| entropy |
[25 Oct 2008|05:49pm] |
bakeeeeeeeeee, leave to cool.
costumes, nudity, pressure, last chances, weather changes and antibiotics.
my life has stopped following the laws of grammar.
there's a pulsing pain in my molar.
for the first time ever, i really feel like i cannot control my place in society.
i look back now, and wonder if i ever really was able to in the first place.
it's like i have the bow, and i have the arrow, but no matter how hard i try i cannot create a focused, precise trajectory. i more or less just put the two together, pull, and let the wind and random body mechanics decide whether it's a hit or miss.
tonight: i predict a miss. then again, my intuition has been reliably wrong lately, too.
wow, i need some stability.
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| a very merry un-birthday |
[23 Oct 2008|05:29pm] |
wonderful feeling of the week: walking into a room full of my closest guy friends waiting to give me a present for my housewarming party and then seeing them so genuinely happy and excited to see me.
plus, the present was pretty awesome too. but the look on their faces and the climax of everyone's anticipation was worth so much more!
despite sinusitis, everything is surprisingly wonderful.
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| so what i lied - i lie to me too! |
[05 Oct 2008|08:14pm] |
i just reprimanded by a fellow student in the library for talking too loud. could anything in my life be less predictable?
so i waited till i lost control of the situation and then finally chose a course of action and even in that case i didnt actually choose - i chose to be in denial. so we talked but we actually didnt talk at all. not a thing was resolved, except i know that i am the most complicated bitch alive.
i am supposed to go to Dallas this weekend with him, and i don't have a clue. i wish that i could make up my mind so that he could make up his. also, i wish i wasnt so terrified. i dont know when i became this afraid. its amazing, because in all of the times that people have hurt me in relationships, the time that scarred me the most was when i hurt the other person in the worst way. i guess karma works on a long-term scale.
i have a cold, i am entangled in webs of purchase and waste, and i oscillate between caring and not caring.
i also (since i am in the library) walked up to the nearest bookshelf, closed my eyes, grabbed a book, and opened it to a random page and pointed at a random sentence. the book was called the anatomy of melancholy and the sentence - get this - was in latin. luckily, karina was sitting across from me and she knows latin decently and it said something like this:
"certainly because netiher 'fato', merit, nor death was 'peribat', but misery before God."
quite fittingly, i have no fucking clue what that means. but the title is pretty awesomely suitable.
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| "how do you fall asleep with another person?" |
[25 Sep 2008|01:51am] |
| [ |
music |
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new found glory as the soundtrack to my orgo studying |
] |
what's more important: making absolutely sure that you are making the right decision ("right" defined as the decision corresponding to the most favorable consequences) or being decisive and not letting what you want pass you by?
or
whats worse: being too proud to suck it up and take the risk or being too forward and risking turning something great into something complicated?
please give me answers, so i may make my decision.
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| so i'm sleeping outside your room |
[15 Sep 2008|06:49pm] |
so i'm back at school. this year is completely different, yet every night is the same. don't get me wrong - i am more content than i have ever been, and weeks ago i'd say i was having the most fun i've ever had. but i wonder how long i can continue to put academics second and continue to do well. by day i philosophize and introspect, by night i am a college cliché. it sounds mundane, but its oddly fulfilling. i suppose that this is the only time in my life that i will be allowed to float by like this, so i should take advantage of it.
last night my suite mate invaded my room and made it her own personal harp studio. she opened up my underwear drawer and used it as a stand for her music. i didn't appreciate it at the time, but reflecting on it now i feel like it is such an unconventional inconvenience that i can only laugh about it.
as much as i fear organic chemistry, i actually think i like it. this is a nice surprise.
this entry was the most disjointed rant i have ever bothered to type out. i am off to go watch gossip girl in a room full of girls and diet coke. and they said Rice doesn't have sororities...psht.
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| an afterthought |
[05 Aug 2008|02:55am] |
for no real reason at all, it makes me really happy to know that when i bothered him in the middle of the night with my absurd drunk ranting he had short hair and thus was somehow not the same person i left behind in the airport 3 months ago.
that is all.
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| a better source of entertainment |
[05 Aug 2008|02:46am] |
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it feels so unbelievably liberating to be unattached. i always knew it was supposed to be this way, and i waited a whole summer for it. finally, i have arrived, and it's wonderful.
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[21 Jul 2008|04:28pm] |
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I put sprinkles in my pudding cups. Christmas sprinkles, to be more specific.
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| fashion week |
[12 Jul 2008|01:21pm] |
i just splurged on a betsey johnson makeup bag. in my own defense, i really need it because for the last year my makeup has just been strewn all over my vanity, and at school i waste so much surface area because of it.
i feel a great sense of relief in knowing that jay will pick me up from the airport when i fly back. he was the last person i saw before i got on my plane, and he will be the first person i see when i get off. i didn't even have to ask him - he offered. see, that's what makes a loyal friend.
i can't wait to go back. the only thing holding me back is my paralyzing fear of orgo.
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| Denver, CO |
[27 Jun 2008|08:21pm] |
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What will it take to make this stop?
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| wintergreen |
[08 Jun 2008|07:41pm] |
I don't know when or why I am just not in the mood to call anyone. It's nothing personal, and I am not sad or mad at anyone, but I have just lost the motivation to converse that I had for the first 3 weeks of being home. The same thing is kind of happening with hanging out. I just don't feel like stepping out of my comfortable routine to see anyone, really. This is weird for me - normally, I am always calling everyone and I hate being alone. Lately, I don't mind the solitude so much. The time is actually constructive.
Hopefully this is a sign of me being more independent and not just me being a lazy asshole.
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| My life is like a bad movie |
[30 May 2008|04:55pm] |
Instead of commenting on today, I will just refer to Sex and the City, Season 2, Episode 30: Ex and the City.
You come with good intentions, think you can put it past you, and then get smacked in the face with the truth.
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| i'd rather be eating servery food. |
[16 May 2008|05:24pm] |
if im bored now, i should wait until i've been here at home for more than 4 days. i am crazy if i expect this summer to be even half as much fun as last semester. i guess once you get past high school you just come home, see the 4 people you actually want to see, give each other your hugs and tell your stories, and then everyone goes their separate ways and does their own thing.
summer 2008...blehhhh.
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| this is me |
[15 Apr 2008|09:57pm] |
I would go to jail with only boys
Just to prove I was as tough as you
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| green eggs and sam |
[20 Dec 2007|11:52am] |
this thing is so old. its raining outside really hard, and i'm home for winter break. i miss Rice, actually - more than i thought i would. i'm bummed i didn't get to watch the shot at love finale or the i love new york finale with trini allie and vanny. we love our trashy tv. will is supposed to be picking me up to go to the mall, and later kyle and i are making a homemade pizza and attempting to make fried mac and cheese. i haven't seen much of jd - shes so hard to get a hold of, even when i'm home. i need to find a way to get out of spanish 201 and into something more like japanese 101 which they don't offer this semester. i keep thinking about doing bioc instead of cogsci but thats too much work even though thats what i should have done in the first place. i want to go back to douglas today because i want to tell mr. rosen that i actually understand physics now, not in a condescending way, but so that he knows that after three years it finally makes sense. i also want to go see everyone in newspaper, but its too late in the day for that i'm sure.
well, this is what i have in my head now. not much different then when i was in high school. what a disappointment.
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[13 Aug 2007|11:21am] |
| [ |
music |
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rocket summer |
] |
im down to my last days. yesterday was my last sunday. today is my last monday. im packing up my closet. im listening to kyle's mixes. im booking up my week with short goodbye day dates.
its not the obvious ones im worried about. i know we will all be fine -- things wont change. its the little ones -- the ones who may get lost in time -- who i feel like i have to frantically hug goodbye.
if i cant see you or call you but you know that i like you and if ive ever laughed at anything you said or respected you as a person then goodbye, ill miss you! and call me sometime...you have no idea how much it would mean to me to just hear some familiar voices say hello. as sad as i am about leaving, i am just as excited to start my life, start learning some useful stuff, and experience life in a big city.
this isnt a sign off or anything, im sure ill make like 5 more updates that also sound like im dying. ha.
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| booger breath. |
[26 Jul 2007|10:21pm] |
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my lip has a hole in it that i can't stop chewing.
i think this was the second week in a row that i was falsely grounded.
better be able to go to key west tomorrow.
i gutted my closet today, i still have too many clothes that i don't wear.
if she thinks she's getting her bag back, she's crazy.
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| stop highlighting text |
[23 Jul 2007|09:42pm] |
| [ |
music |
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planet of ice |
] |
i'm tired. today was an exhausting day. i'm watching sin city by myself. i bet i will fall asleep before kyle gets out of practice. i bet i will fall asleep before judy comes home from the birthday party and the tattoo guy.
i move so soon. i have so much left to do. i plan to go to the keys this weekend with kyle, but i have yet to ask. i dunno why i'm scared to ask. also, money is worrysome. also, i have to choose my roommate and i am afraid none of them want me because they are contacting me the least. am i not appealing? i want to see the simpsons movie. i saw coheed on saturday. amazing as usual. i want to go find some chocolate so i'm done with this uselessness.
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[17 May 2007|01:45pm] |
wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait
thats the story of my life. and the worst part is, you know that i feel this way, and you still can't make your actions meet your words.
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